A Rose among the Thorns

Resurfacing...

2009-04-09T21:42:00.002-05:00

So I'm ready to be off this unintentional hiatus thing. I want to get back to shooting and I want to make art again. I've somehow lost weight (trust me, I was NOT trying) and gotten a lot of my muscle tone back. So who wants to play? I want to take a trip somewhere and work with people.

Not entirely sure anyone reads this thing anymore but hey, its worth a shot. If you want me in your art, let me know and we'll set something up. I miss this so much. Ready to jump in feet first if you will....oh wait, that was clever wasn't it?

Letting Go...

2009-03-01T16:04:00.004-06:00

Letting go of someone you care about is always difficult. Its not easy to come to the realization that a person who was once a huge part of your life is now pretty much gone completely, as least for now. I'll always have a place in my heart for them but at the same time, I have to move on with my own life. I can't continue to hold onto the pain simply because that's all I have left of them. So I leave you with this:

Fly Away by Poe

It makes sense that it should happen this way
That the sky should break, and the earth should shake
As if to say: Sure it all matters but in such an
Unimportant way
As if to say:

Fly away, sweet bird of prey
Fly fly away
Nothing can stand in your way
Sweet bird, if you knew the words
I know you'd say: fly, fly away

It makes sense that it should hurt in this way
That my heart should break, and my hands should shake
As if to say: Sure it don't matter except in the most
Important way
As if to say:

Fly away, sweet bird of prey
Fly fly away
I won't stand in your way
Sweet bird, if you knew the words
I know that you'd say: fly, fly away

It makes sense that it should feel just this way
That you slowly fade and yet still remain
As if to say: Everything matter in such an invisible way
As if to say: It's O.K.
Fly...away

Blackbird fly...

2009-02-02T21:49:00.003-06:00

Sometimes when I can't find the words to express how I feel, I use music or pictures, or in this case both, to convey my emotions.

This about sums it up:

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Happy freaking New Year...

2009-01-10T19:24:00.003-06:00

I suppose I should probably write in this more often, seeing as we made it a week into the new year before I got to wish well to whoever actually reads this stuff.

I guess the new year is a time for new beginnings and change. Lots has changed in my life and I'm working to change some things. I don't want to settle for a life where I just get by in a job that I just happen to be good at. I want to live with passion and love what I do. I want to be proud of my life.

I've got some big goals for myself this year. Hopefully I reach them or at least bite at most of their heels.

In the meantime, here's some new pictures... enjoy!

Back from Leafing...

2008-12-08T23:16:00.004-06:00

So it took me longer than I thought to catch a moment to update this after our New York trip. I'll let the pictures do the talking. I have new modeling photos as well, but that will have to be for another day.

I'm gonna be a "leafer"....

2008-10-05T22:41:00.004-05:00

I hate waiting for things to happen. I admit, I can be quite impatient about things when I get really excited. My boyfriend and I are leaving for our first vacation together Saturday morning. I am excited beyond words. Let me explain.

He and I have been together for over a year now. That entire time, we've been doing the long-distance thing that everyone seems to fear. He's in Ohio, back where I went to college, and I'm now in Chicago where I was raised. We see each other a weekend a month, maybe a bit more if we're lucky. So any time we spend together truly is cherished. My brain hasn't even begun to fathom 9 days together. I'm so excited (ya see a running theme here?)

But seriously now, we're going to the Catskills Mountains area of New York. In early-mid October. It just so happens that around that time of year, the leaves change colors and all that jazz. So, you see, we're going to go be "leafers." We're traveling to go see the beautiful season change and stare at a bunch of leaves neither of us will be able to name unless they're maple or oak trees (that's about all I remember from grade school). Chances are, I'll be taking lots and lots of pictures. In fact, that will probably be the topic of my next post unless I get a chance to post again before I leave.

So I'll be gone, but don't worry, not for good. Just for a vacation. And I'll be back to share our adventures and pictures with you :-)

I should be getting more photos from August soon that I'll be able to post so you'll have more picturey goodness to take in. For now, enjoy my silly/excited face and a candid of my boyfriend and I from the same shoot :)

Guess who's back....

2008-09-27T18:40:00.004-05:00

Ok, please pardon the bad pun (Look at the pic, get it... I know, I'm terrible). So after about a year's hiatus, I am finally back into shooting.

I hadn't shot from November of 2007 until last month. I forgot how much I missed this stuff. I need art- to be a part of it, to take it in and enjoy it. This part of me was missing; I thought I could cut it out but the urge to shoot again was just too strong. Modeling has become a part of who I am. I simply love doing this.

So much has happened in the past year, but I'm not going to bore everyone with all those details in one blog. Updates will come gradually as I do that whole 9-5 thing, so shooting is still pretty much limited to weekends. I'm going to make it work though. I have to.

Now look at the pretties, all courtesy of SPRINGHEEL.

I Support Art.... Do You?

2007-09-17T13:04:00.000-05:00

A dear friend of mine is working on art project that I'm very much looking forward to seeing work from. It's an art project that involves portraits of couples and individuals in the act of orgasm. This project is about emotion and capturing pure, raw emotion.

To quote Bill: "I am interested in shooting in-studio portraits (read: head shot only) of singles, and preferably couples in the act of release. That's it. It's a project about sex, that will produce results you could show to your mom. The conversation you and your mom would have about those pictures afterwards is a big part of the reason I want to shoot this set."

So please, take a minute to check out the link above and throw a few bucks his way to support the project. He's got a ways to go and any support would be greatly appreciated.

Even if you can't financially support the project, a post in your blog or a link goes a long way as well to spread the word.

I may even consider shooting nudes with part of the profit going towards this project- details about that will be forthcoming once I get them nailed down.

So stay tuned...

A different brand of creativity...

2007-09-07T01:33:00.000-05:00

So generally I use this blog to post my modeling adventures.

Lately, a different brand of creative juices have been flowing through me. (I may have a little inspiration to thank as far as that goes.) Since my shooting is very limited while I'm in Chicago due to living arrangements, I'm going to share some of the poems I've written recently.

I hope they aren't some huge disappointment (I'm warning ya know, there are no boobs involved, so sorry to disappoint there).

Enjoy and feel free to comment if you'd like.

Another photo blog will be coming sometime soon, so sit tight.

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Linger
So eager...
Say hello...
Coyly blush, then embrace.
Now linger..

Make the moment last
Long, hold on
Don't let it pass
Soon... so soon... just linger

So glad
It's done...
Together again, it's been far too long.
So just linger...

Make the moment last
Long, hold on
Oh, now, please don't let it pass.
Soon... so soon.. then just linger.

So new
It's fragile
Time paused, keep it close
And linger...

Make the moment last
Longer now, hold on tight
This can't pass
Soon... oo soon... for now, linger.

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Fire

A brush of skin against skin
Friction
Warmth
Bodies move in-sync
As if they were one

A flicker of the candle
Light
Darkness
The wax burns and stings
Then cools and hardens

Two bodies unite
Divided
No more
In unision they
Breathe and slowly drift off...
To sleep and remain united forever.

Good things come to those who wait...

2007-08-28T10:24:00.000-05:00

Ah what good advice that is. Very true sometimes. Though I'm not gonna lie here- sometimes waiting does get hard when its something you really want. Oh well- patience is a virtue... or so I hear.

Speaking of waiting, I recently recieved pictures from two photographers from my last Ohio outing.

They were definitely worth the wait.

Here's a few shots I recieved from Nad Iksodas-totally worth the wait I must say. It was my first ever outdoor shoot and I absolutely loved every minute of it. There was a bit of waiting with this one as well- while we were shooting on the fire escape, a lady came down the alley to ask Dan what he was shooting. He smile and said fire escapes and proceeded to snap quite a few good photographs of escapes further down the alley. While he snapped, I waited, sitting on the fire escape in nothing but a leather coat and heels. Luckily, some people can't see what's in front of their face, as the lady didn't even notice me up there.

Enjoy and I'll go back to waiting to hear about jobs I've applied for. Like I said- the waiting isn't always fun.

A bit of an update....

2007-08-13T09:40:00.000-05:00

So I was in Ohio a few weekends ago. Fun times as usual.

I did a bit of shooting while I was there- the CAC group shoot (this time it was Boyd's birthday shoot out) and I also shot with Nad Iksodas on that Sunday.

My life is still pretty up in the air right now, but I'm sure that's not much of a surprise to anyone who knows me. Workin' on getting a "grown-up job" so cross your fingers for me.

I don't really have anything of substance to say this morning, so I'll let the pictures do the talking. These were taken by Kevin of Layzi Photography at the CAC group shoot. The other model is Tyrgrim

Enjoy!

Traveling soon... and hopes of more travels too!

2007-07-07T11:02:00.000-05:00

Oh Ohio folks....

For those of you who haven't heard yet, I'm going to be in the Toledo-ish area the weekend of July 27-29. I'll be at Boyd's Birthday shoot out the morning of the 28th, then the roomie and others have claimed me for the rest of the day. I've still got Friday evening (the 27th) open but I'll reserve that for a paid shoot (cuz otherwise I'm just gonna veg with the roomie and relax cuz Friday=field trip day at camp= Beth is tired as hell). I've got the morning/early afternoon of the 29th booked as well, then I'll be heading home.

If you'd like to shoot me (or hang out cuz I'm totally up for that), shoot me a message. Most of you know how to get a hold of me on messengers or send me a message on MM or MySpace :)

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In other news, I'm seriously trying to plan another trip somewhere. My destination is going to depend on where I can get the most help getting to and book some paid work while I'm there. Right now, Virgina/D.C. (with a few days in NY) looks like a good possiblity. I'm also looking into a trip to Missouri (with possible side trips to Kansas and Arkansas). I'd also love to get out to California, though that doesn't look like a real possibility unless I tag along with a friend who will be going out there in September.

If you're reading this and can help me with any of this trip possibilities or would like to book a paid shoot with me when I'm in that area, leave me a comment or shoot a message to my MM page or my MySpace.

Sorry, but no pretty pictures with this blog... but I'm working on setting some stuff out here so I'll have newness to share. :)

The space between...

2007-06-24T13:15:00.000-05:00

I'm back... finally.

It's been quite a while since my last post. I apologize to those eagerly awaiting updates in my oh-so-exciting life and adventures in modeling.

I've been quite the busy girl- working around 50 hrs/week at work.

Anywho, thought I'd update this to let you guys know that I am alive and breathing and also share some pictures that I've not posted anywhere yet.

The first image is from a shoot I did at the end of April up in Ann Arbor, MI with Vankou. We got some wonderful stuff (I've posted another shot from this shoot in my MM portfolio). Next time I'm in the area, I hope to shoot with him again.

Next is a shot from my Virgina/D.C. area trip last month. Nihilus and I worked together back in February and he kindly provided me a place to stay while I was in the area. Here's a shot from a more racey set we did (also featured is Xie).

Finally, on my trip back, I shot with Tortured Artist. I recieved more images from him recently, so here's another shot from our shoot.

Now that work has settled down a bit, I'm trying to book a few shoots here in the Chicago area. It's been a while since I've shot at all, so I'm itching to shoot very badly. I'm very excited to set something up with both of these photographersd and I'm looking around to see who else in the area I'd like to shoot with while I'm here. If anyone's interested, drop me a line here or send a message on my MM page.

And Ohio folks: I'll be making a trip back out that way some weekend next month to still be determined. I need to move the rest of my stuff out from my apartment. Once a date is finalized, I'll let you guys know. I'll mainly be in the Toledo area though, as its already a 4 hour drive for me and I can only stay until Sunday afternoon.

Busy busy me and my travels to D.C.

2007-05-16T15:41:00.000-05:00

I've been quite the busy girl as of late. Finished up the semester and now I'm officially a college graduate!

(In other news, I found out yesterday that I've been accepted to Florida State's Aquatic Environmental Science Master's Program!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

As a graduation gift to myself, I decided to take a bit of a roadtrip. A photographer friend of mine, Nihilus, offerred a place for me to stay if I ever make my way out his way. So, from May 10-14, I spent some time in the Virginia/D.C. area.

My trip was great and rather relaxing. The 8 hour drive sucked- not gonna lie- but it was totally worth it. I got to shoot with Nihilus again a few times. Nihilus, another model name Xie, and myself made our way to the D.C. area Meet and Greet on Saturday. I got to meet a lot of great photographers and do a wee bit of shooting as well. The M&G was so much fun, aside from the sun and heat, but we managed to find some shade under trees near the Dupont Circle fountain.

Unfortunately, my timing didn't work out for working with some people as Sunday was Mother's Day. I do have a long list of people that I'd love to work with next time I'm back. It was nice to meet them face to face first so when we do get to shoot, it will be easier on the both of us.

I left early Monday morning for a shoot in Maryland. I shot with a photographer who also owns a day spa and salon outside of D.C. I got my hair cut and colored and got to shoot as well. So new hair again.... but don't worry: it's still red :-)

I'll leave you with some shots from the trip. The fountain shot was from the M&G, taken by Asylum Photo . The other shot is of the new hair- cut, color, and photo by Tortured Artist.

Andi Young- Jill of All Trades

2007-04-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

I consider myself very lucky to be such close friends with a lot of the photographers I work with. Lately I've been doing a lot of work with my Andibob. (Check out her blog in my blogroll)

Anywho, this woman really amazes me. She's an artist in every sense of the word. As she put the other day, she's the Midas of art: "Everything she touches turns into art." She a great painter, jewlery maker, clothing designer, budding corsetierre, web page designer, and photographer. And chances are I probably missed something because she truely is a Jill of all trades, if you will.

Andi is the photographer who stole my modeling virginity back in 2005. She's taken lots of great pictures of me since then too. And great pictures of lots of other people as well.

Her work just seems to keep getting better and better and it makes me so happy. I'm most impressed with her latest shoot with Rob. She managed to convince him to do a nude set with her and I personally think it's the best set they've ever done together.

Miss Andibob is on a roll. And I'm totally going to miss her when I leave Ohio in a few weeks. And if you haven't shot with her yet, you don't know what you're missing. Great photos and lots of laughing- the best kind of shoot there is!

I'm going to leave you with some pictures from the awesome Andibob- from our first shoot forward.

Surfacing: Emotions aren't always pretty...

2007-04-16T12:46:00.000-05:00

So...I did a set on Friday with Boyd-aka Visions of Excess. We got some really amazing stuff from the concept which I based upon my current emotions. The concept is rather dark for something coming from my mind, but these are my emotions... they aren't always pretty.

Lately, I feel like I've been on the edge. On the brink between drowning and finally coming up for air. As if once I finally get that breath of air, my head's going to be pushed under the water again and it's going to be harder and harder to get up again.

This translates into real life to a lot of things not working out for me as of late- the grad school bit, the summer fellowship gig, having to move back in with my parents, having to settle for being single. It gets really tough to keep your head up when you keep getting knocked down. It was bringing me to a bad place and that's why I had to do this shoot- to get that darkness out. It was clouding my vision and not letting me see straight or look toward the future. Now that this set is done, I think I can look ahead and leave those dark emotions in that bathtub. I watched them go down the drain with the water. Ask Andi or Boyd about my mood after the shoot- there was a big change, as if a load had been lifted off my shoulders.

Normally, I don't mix my emotive blogs with my photo blog, but I think it's necessary in this case so you can truely understand these pictures. Enjoy and feel free to comment. By the way, the last image of the bunch is the one that came to mind when I got this idea. I normally don't choose favorites, but it's totally the shot that I wanted.

It's been a while...

2007-04-10T10:15:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the delay in posting. School's been stealing my soul as of late (and my free time)... but it'll be worth it come May 5th when I graduate.

So no time to really chat, but I'll share some of my recent photos. Enjoy!

The first is by Gary M. Shot at the latest group shoot at the CAC. I'm very pleased with how these turned out and even more surprised at how my body looks (in a good way of course)

This next mosaic is from the drag theme I did with Melvin Moten Jr. It was something fun and definitely different that anything I'd done before. I rather enjoyed exploring that side of myself and working with Melvin was just awesome.

Finally two shots from my most recent shoot with the always wonderful Nad Iksodas. I had this red sweater that I bought specifically to shoot in and it worked wonderfully for this set.

Nudes- Art or Porn?

2007-03-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

So this post (hopefully not rant) was prompted by a few people making snarky comments about the fact that I do pose topless and nude.

Let's face it- the female form is a beautiful thing: beautiful round breasts, curves everywhere. And in that beauty, some strength can be found, at least for me. My posing topless or nude is not a matter of me wanting to be the object of someone's sexual desire. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I do this so that people can see beyond the sexuality and appreciate the female form.

Don't get me wrong- I do believe that sometimes these images are very sexually charged, but sometimes that is far from intentional, as this shot from a shoot with Nad Iksodas back in September shows. If you knew both of our states of mind at this time, you would have never expected to see such a picture come out of the camera. And yet there's some definite sexuality behind the image.

The best compliment I think I've recieved to date was from another shoot with Nad and Sleep to Dream. A friend saw the pictures and said something to the effect of: "These are just too pretty to masturbate to." Funny thing is, Charity and I went in hoping to come out with something that would make our exes drool a little. And we come out with images that are more loving and innocent than sexually charged. And I love that.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with porn. It's just not something I do. I want to create beautiful images. I want to be a part of art. There's a fine line between erotic art and porn and frankly I don't mind erotic art. But full-on penetration, cum on the face crap is not for me. In the slightest. Trying to equate art to that type of porn and saying that they're one in the same is just proof that you really don't understand the art.

And if that's the case, it's probably best you don't look. I don't want my boobs to be offending anyone now...

Bringing sexy back... in waders...

2007-03-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

So in case you hadn't noticed, I've been gone for the past week. Meant to write a quick note in here about it beforehand, but lack of sleep caused me to forget. Anywho, I went on a spring break trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for my marine biology field class.

And it was absolutely amazing. I've got some wonderful pictures and memories from that trip. And best of all, I came back refreshed and relaxed. Normally, I haven't necessarily needed spring break, but this semester has been taking a lot out of me.

So without further ado, some pictures for your amusement. These are far from glamorous, so I apologize for any fits of laughter you may break into.

The top photo is Brandon and I posing inside a shark. We're trying to look terrified, but I'm pretty sure I just look like I'm trying to catch a fly in my mouth. It is terrifying that Brandon has no eyes though.

The next few photos are Brandon and I strapping on the oh-so-sexy waders to collect phytoplankton samples from the freaking cold Atlantic. I'm pretty sure we brought sexy back with those waders. And there's even an action shot of me getting the sample bucket- what Baywatch would be like with real marine biologists instead of lifeguards...

The next photo is myself and Jen trying to be gangsta in our waders... I'll let you decide if we suceeded or not. I think I'm gonna go with not. The yellow gloves just ruin it all. Best part of those waders was that fact that they were one of the leaky pairs. Nothing like 40 degree water up to your knees in waders. Luckily, we got back to change and dry off my feet so I could feel my toes again...

The last picture was taken on Jockey Ridge sand dune. I appear to be contemplating the meaning of life. Honestly, the view of the sound from up there was absolutely gourgeous. I just wish my camera hadn't died in the middle of the week.

Itch, itch...

2007-02-26T17:59:00.000-06:00

So the shooting bug has bit me again. I need to shoot soon, preferably before spring break which starts this Saturday, or I'm going to go nuts.

I don't even have any ideas in particular in mind, but I just want to get in front of the camera and get creative.

Hopefully I'll set something up this week. Tuesday and Thursday are pretty free for me...

Itch, itch...

Here's the shot McKenzie Bros. did with me at the last group shoot. Apparently, we nailed his idea and got the perfect shot, which always feels great :)

Wow, is that really me?

2007-02-20T21:08:00.000-06:00

Nihilus (Rob G.) got the rest of my photos back to me very early this morning. In looking through them, I had to step back for a second. I saw all these beautiful photos of me and had a hard time realizing that it's actually me. When I think about it, the high school version of me would've never been able to take these photos- I was awkward, dorky, not fully grown into my body yet, and completely lacking any trace of self-confidence whatsoever. What a difference four years makes. Four years later, I've transformed from a shy, dorky girl to a confident (but still dorky) woman. I'm finally comfortable in my own skin; it feels rather wonderful. So here's a few photos to oogle. Enjoy!

This one goes out to all the ladies...

2007-02-19T22:04:00.000-06:00

Since my last post featured work with three snazzy male photographers, I figured I'd be an equal-opportunity blogger and share my work from three very awesome ladies: Andi, Dee, and Kidtee Hello.

This photo by Andi was taken back in October at the CAC group shoot. I was getting tired of my same old wardrobe, so she grabbed a hunk of fabric and shooed me and the boyfriend at the time upstairs into the fantastic yellow room. Here was the result:

Next we have some work with Dee of Flutterby Studios. From what I hear, she's taking a break from photography for a bit; rest and relaxtion is needed every once and a while. I'm sure she'll be back sooner or later. She's just too awesome at this to leave it behind. Here's a photo from a shoot we did back in November. Didn't really come in with anything specific plan, yet we still managed to rock it:

Finally, a shot from my shoot with Kidtee Hello back in early November as well. It was a fun shoot overall, but the house was just a bit nippy for me to running around half-naked and all. Luckily, a lot of laughing at Rob's bad jokes helped keep me warm and Kidtee a bit distracted at times:
Well, it's back to work for me. Hopefully my presentation tomorrow will rock so I can relax for a day or two... till I have to start another one. Oy vey!

All the cool kids are doing it...

2007-02-16T17:08:00.000-06:00

So I've been contemplating getting one of these nifty Bloggers for a while now. No, no extra free time has opened up for me to warrent actually starting this up. Maybe it's the medication I'm taking to get rid of this pesky fever/cold business.

So where do I go from here? Do I continue to ramble or just leave you with a pretty picture or two to enjoy?

I think the second option sounds a bit more fun to me. These pictures are from shoots with 3 pretty awesome guys, Gary M, Nad Iksodas, and Rob Guimaraes (Nihilus). All three have different styles.

The shot with Gary M was taken in the basement of the Collingwood Arts Center back in October. Gary made good use of the garbage bags hanging up around the props area/haunted maze as a backdrop. And fortunately this was before the CAC got oooberly cold for the winter.
Nad's shot came from his studio and a set with the wifey (Charity). Nad has this fantastic old, old couch he wants to reupholster for his house. For now, it's in the studio and getting some pretty good use if I say so myself.

Rob (Nihilus) is more of the commando (hack as he puts it) photogapher. We did the entire shoot in my apartment. This shot I posted is actually in my bathroom. I knew I got that shower curtain for a reason. The funny thing you don't see is Rob standing on top of my toliet, on my sink, and curling up into all kinds of odd positions to get some great angles and some great shots.

I suppose that's all for now. Need to clean up and work on some school things so my head doesn't explode. Hopefully I'll be updating at least once a week.